As Christmas approaches, my heart carries the weight of both joy and sorrow. This season, adorned with memories of warmth and togetherness, feels bittersweet without the presence of my dear Marty. Marty was my youngest child. He left us three years ago. Even though I've never been able to face this fact and have tried to run away from it, yet it's all so real. Though he is no longer with us, his spirit lingers in the twinkle of festive lights and the laughter of cherished moments we once shared.
The passage of time has not slowed the pain of loss, and Marty and I have spent just a few Christmases with so few memories belonging to us about the holidays. I remember the first Christmas after I lost him, I shut myself in the house and pretended nothing had happened. I asked anyone to leave me alone, not to give me presents, to let me spend the day alone and in peace. However, running away won't solve the problem; we always have to face the death of a loved one. With another Christmas coming up, we decided to do a few things to memorize my Marty, and here we are sharing these ways with those in need in hopes that it will help you get through this Christmas.
1. Showing her drawings
Marty showed a remarkable talent for drawing from a very young age, he loved to scribble on white paper and leave his own creations. We still have those drawings in our home. We can find some frames to frame the drawings and display them on the cabinet.
2. Talk about him
Some people who have lost a loved one or a family member avoid talking about him or her for a long time, creating the illusion that they haven't left us. Or avoiding mentioning them can seal up our pain and sadness, however, this can lead to the memories of them slowly becoming fuzzy in our minds as time passes. So our approach is to be brave and talk about Marty. When my family and friends ask me about Marty at Christmas, I will gladly remember and discuss him. For us, discussing fond memories of him is also an important part of the holiday season.
3. Share Christmas gifts
Christmas is a time for family and friends to come together. Exchanging gifts is a way to celebrate and strengthen relationships, showing thoughtfulness and care for one another. Memory candles, customized photo albums, artwork, and ornaments are all great Christmas gift ideas. This year, we are preparing to share memorial pieces of jewelry with our families and friends. Giving meaningful gifts can soothe the soul and bring a touch of comfort to a broken heart. We got some engraved urn necklaces from Fanery Sue, engraved urn necklaces are locket necklaces that can be used to hold a small spoon of cremated ashes or a photo of the lost one. Birth data or other memorial words can be engraved on the back of the urn necklace for ashes. It's a great comfort for us when we wear this pendant going around. engraved urn necklace becomes a spiritual link between us and our departed children, it is more than just a necklace.
4. Spending time with other families who have lost a child
I tried to find communities on social media where people had experienced the loss of a child. I started asking them for advice on how to deal with the situation, and the advice was different for different personalities and experiences. After learning how others coped, I began to experiment and eventually found a solution that worked for me. Inviting other families who have lost a child to spend Christmas together is a great option. You have similar experiences and these experiences make it easier for you to empathize emotionally. It is even more important for you to give each other support during this time of reunion. You can write sympathy cards to each other's children in the hope that the children in heaven will receive your blessings.
5. Create new traditions
We can create new Christmas traditions, such as sharing memories of Marty around the fire. Or we can write things about him on sympathy cards and put them on the wall. It's also a great idea to make DIY memorial decorations together, such as taking Marty's clothes and doodling them. This Christmas, we plan to hang Marty's stockings on the Christmas tree. These joint mourning activities make this Christmas less lonely.
6. Decorate a Christmas tree dedicated to Marty
Decorating a Christmas tree just for our Marty was a suggestion given to us by other friends. We hang only things that belong to him and his favorites on the tree and place the tree in the living room as if he is also spending this Christmas with us. You don't have to agonize over the decorations on the Christmas tree, you have a lot of choices, these decorations can be a child's stocking, a gift you once bought for him, a photo of him, a peripheral of his favorite anime character, and so on.
7. Treat yourself well
After a long period of hurt that has taken away the original color from your lives, you can try to have a less than perfect Christmas. Instead of reuniting with your family, friends and preparing so many dishes for your family, you can spend the day on your own. Make yourself a nice dinner. You can also choose to go out for a walk, lie down on the grass in the park and soak up the sun. You can forget all your worries and be kind to yourself on Christmas day.